He frowned at the memory, his expression growing increasingly annoyed. "It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind - her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating," he admitted, shaking his head in frustration.
"I wanted you to forget my behavior that first day, if possible, so I tried to talk with you like I would with any person. I was eager actually, hoping to decipher some of your thoughts. But you were too interesting, I found myself caught up in your expressions... and every now and then you would stir the air with your hand or your hair, and the scent would stun me again." He paused for a moment, trying to remember the details of that moment as clearly as possible. "I just wanted to make sure I knew how you felt about me before I made any further moves. I didn't want to scare you off or anything," he added, his voice growing softer as he spoke.
他闭上了眼睛，陷入了他痛苦的坦白中。我倾听着，比理智更加渴望。常识告诉我我应该害怕。然而，我反而感到宽慰，因为我终于理解了。现在，当他坦白自己想要夺走我生命的渴望时，我仍然充满了对他痛苦的同情。
我终于能够说话了，尽管我的声音很微弱。“在医院？”
His eyes flashed up to mine "I was appalled. I couldn't believe I had put us in danger after all, put myself in your power — you of all people. As if I needed another motive to kill you." We both flinched as that word slipped out.
"But it had the opposite effect," he continued quickly. "I fought with Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper when they suggested that now was the time ... the worst fight we've ever had. Carlisle sided with me, and Alice." He winced when he said her name, but I didn't know why.
"Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay." He shook his head indulgently.
He met my eyes again, and they were surprisingly tender.
"And for all that," he continued, "I'd have fared better if I had exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here — with no witnesses and nothing to stop me — I were to hurt you."
I was human enough to have to ask. "Why?"
Isabella. He pronounced my full name carefully, then playfully ruffled my hair with his free hand. A shock ran through my body at his casual touch. "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it tortures me," he said, looking down once more, ashamed. "The thought of you, still white and cold ... not seeing you blush scarlet again, or witnessing that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses ... it would be unendurable." He lifted his glorious, agonized eyes to mine.
"You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever," he continued.
